nathaniel's post always leave me enlightened and inspired and I like his style of blogging, or shld i say his courage to blog his true feelings without any qualms.

im digressing in my posts cos i find myself more and more unwilling to write what im really thinking but dont worry i dont lie either.
yet i don't stop writing because to me it's a sign of me giving up

for the past 1 week i have been trying to get myself into the "only soccer and studies" mode... eyes and mind on nth else yet the stupid dreams are haunting me again... and i start getting a really low self-esteem like it isn't alr low enough and it gets increasingly difficult to think positive like how i had a friend who used to tell me to think bright...

i suddenly enjoy keeping things to myself... and i get that hey i wna fly somewhere far away where noone know me and chill before coming back... the weather in china is great. i keep thinking of S and the things like in taiwan.. no it's not the holiday.. it's merely the thought of being somewhere faraway alone... i engage in occasional self-denial by not charging my handphone and deleting my msn before i realise it doesn't feel like i'm alone

i'm digressing again. it's okay if u don't understand. anyhow. it's nice seeing jiemin again during trngs. my life just feels slightly more normal than before(: